Blog | Ursula Hurley Counseling | Lake Oswego, OR 97034

When was the last time you heard from your inner critic? You know, that voice in your head that constantly judges you, puts you down and compares you to others. The one that tells you you’re not good enough or smart enough and says things you would never dream of saying to another person.

Now you may think this inner critic, while annoying, is relatively harmless. But this is simply not the case. This inner critical voice limits you and stops you from living the life you truly desire. It hinders your emotional well-being and, if left unchecked, can even lead to depression or anxiety.

Here are some ways you can silence that inner critic and stop beating yourself up.

Give it Attention

That’s right, in order to gain control over your inner critic you have to know that it exists. Most of our thinking is automatic. In other words, we don’t give our thoughts much thought. We barely notice a critical thought has passed. Give attention to your thoughts, all of them. This will help you recognize the critical voice.

Here are some emotional clues the critic has reared its ugly head: whenever you feel doubt, guilt, shame, and worthlessness. These are almost always signs of the critic at work.

Separate Yourself from Your Inner Critic

Your inner critic is like a parasite, feeding off you. You were not born with this parasite but acquired it along the way. Your inner critic hopes it can hide and blend in, and that you’ll think ITS thoughts are your own.

You have to separate yourself from this parasite. One way to do that is to give your critic a name. Have fun with this naming. You could call your inner critic anything from “Todd” to “Miss. Annoying Loudmouth.” It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you learn to separate it from your authentic self.

Talk Back

In order to take the power away from your inner critic, you’ve got to give it a taste of its own medicine. As soon as you recognize your inner critic is speaking to you, tell it to shut up. Tell it that the jig is up, that you know it is a big, fat liar, and that you want it to go away. If you want to really make this voice recoil, tell it you are choosing to be kind to yourself from now on.

Self-compassion to an inner critic is like garlic to a vampire.

Create a New Inner Voice

If you want to defeat an enemy, you need to have a powerful ally on your side. It’s important at this juncture to create an even more powerful inner voice. One that is on your side and acts as your BFF.

To create this new voice, start noticing the good things about yourself. No matter what that nasty critic said about you, the truth is you have fantastic traits and abilities. Start focusing on those. Yes, it will be hard at first to let yourself see you in a positive light, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.

Life is short. To have the most fulfilling one possible, we have to stop wasting time on beating ourselves up. Take these 4 steps and learn to quiet that inner critic. Your best you is waiting to be celebrated.

Some people’s inner critic is stronger than others. Sometimes the greatest ally you can have in your corner is an impartial third party, a therapist who can see you for who you really are.

If you or a loved one could use some help defeating your inner critic and would like to explore therapy, get in touch with me. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

People new to therapy often don’t know what to expect. They only know what they have heard about it. But there are many misconceptions surrounding family therapy, and I am going to debunk 3 of the biggest ones now.

1. Family Therapy Takes a Long Time Before You Get Results

Many people’s perception of therapy is of someone laying on a therapist’s couch for years, attempting to work out their numerous problems. So, when parents hear the phrase “family therapy,” they assume it is another form of ‘infinite therapy.’ But not all therapy takes a long before offering positive results.

In fact, from its very beginnings, family therapy has always been considered “brief therapy.” The goal of family therapists is to quickly resolve conflicts within a family, offering skills and tools to family members so they may move on to live healthier, happier lives.

2. Family Therapy is All About Blaming Parents for Children’s Problems

Perhaps the biggest misunderstanding about family therapy is assuming each session will focus on blaming them for their children’s problems.

This desire to stay away from blame is understandable. After all, parents of children who are having problems already feel terrible and guilty over their child’s struggles, they certainly don’t want the finger pointed at them or labeled dysfunctional.

But the goal of family therapists is not to place blame, but rather to ensure each individual is heard. While it may be necessary to point out areas where parents could adapt and grow, a therapist is ultimately there to work collaboratively with parents to bring about positive change.

3. The Whole Family Must be There at Every Session

Talk about a scheduling problem! The thought of having to get every single member of the family in the same room at the same time each week is a nightmare to most parents, who find it hard enough to get everyone to sit down together at the dinner table.

While some therapists prefer everyone be there, few assume you can make this happen. Sometimes parents and a child or children will be in the session together, and sometimes it may be just the parents, or only one of the parents. A good therapist understands the complexities of family life and will be flexible in working with everyone’s schedules.

Family therapy is quite different from individual talk therapy, and much of what you may have heard about it is simply not true. Family therapy is can quickly bring about positive changes and allow family members to reconnect and heal dynamics.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

3 Ways Family Therapy is Often Misunderstood

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